Oneliners, Stories, etc.
At least once per year, some group of scientists will become very excited and announce that:
He is very imprudent, a dog is. He never makes it his business to inquire whether you are in the right or in the wrong, never bothers as to whether you are going up or down upon life's ladder never asks whether you are rich or poor, silly or wise, sinner or saint. Come luck or misfortune, good repute or bad, honour or shame, he is going to stick to you, to comfort you, guard you, and give his life for you!
- The universe is even bigger than they thought!
- There are even more subatomic particles than they thought!
- Whatever they announced last year about global warming is wrong.
According to the law, passed in early 2005 in Rome, Italy, pet owners are required to walk their dogs at least three times a day. Not doing so can result in a fine of up to five hundred euros (about six hundred dollars).
While serving valiantly as a military K-9 in World War I, Tommy was wounded three times. He also narrowly survived being gassed after his handler, who was working for his Scottish regiment, didn't get Tommy's mask on quickly enough. The British shepherd named Tommy was awarded the Croix de Guerre by the French army.
All the Marine Devil Dogs of World War II weren't Doberman pinschers. Three German shepherds were members of the First Marine Dog Platoon. In fact, a large male German shepherd in this platoon, Caesar, carried the first war-dog message in a conflict in the Pacific.
Recently, when writer and director Joe Camp, who created Benji, decided to stage a comeback for the beloved dog, he insisted on finding a shelter mutt to play the lead role, partly because he estimates that one million dogs were adopted thanks to the original Benji. With television crews in tow to help publicize the plight of homeless animals, Camp searched shelters across the country. At a shelter in Mississippi, he finally found the perfect pooch to star in 2004's Benji: Off the Leash! During the promotion of the movie, Benji participated in benefits all over the country to help raise money and further promote the cause of other lovable shelter animals.
They may look all cuddly in those nature books, but turn your back and theyll rip your lungs out. In 1960, an Eastern Airlines turboprop hit a flock of starlings
and then hit Boston harbor, killing 62 of the 73 passengers. From 1902 to 1907, in the Champawat district of India, a single hungry tigress killed 436 people. Finally, Col. Jim Corbett raised his rifle and the tigress became kitty litter. The Humane Society calculates that pit bulls killed more Americans (57) from 1979 to 1994 than did any other breed of dog. According to University of Georgia wildlife biologist I. Lehr Brisbin, most kills arent due to aggression, but rather to an ancient hunting instinct. And what makes better snacking than a child? Most dog kills, says Brisbin, are children and infants left alone with the animals; to a dog, young children look like preytheyre small, they move on four feet, and their squeals sound like those of a rabbit in pain.
Of the 8,000 people bitten by snakes in the U.S. every year, only between nine and 15 actually die. Its a very different story in tiny Sri Lanka, where snakebites kill 800 people annually; of those, 95 percent are victims of the common krait snake. The krait is so lethal that even after receiving the antidote, half the victims still kick the bucket. According to Ken Kardong, a biologist at Washington State University, Russells viper, found in the jungles of Myanmar, is another killerits venom keeps the blood from clotting. If you dont get to the hospital in 30 minutes, youre a dead man.
Yes, Mr. Smarty-Pants, youre right: Man is the deadliest animal. But which beast do you think claims runner-up honors for the U.S. team? Grizzly bear? Great white shark? Scary Spice? Wrong, wrong, wrong. The answer: Bambi. White-tailed deer kill an average of 130 people every year. Most of these encounters are deer-auto collisions, so the murderous deer usually gets it too. (This paragraph is sponsored by the American Association of Deer Hunters.)
During a screening of the Iranian movie The Deer in Abadan, Iran, on August 20, 1977, arsonists torched the Cinema Rex theater, killing an estimated 422 moviegoers. While The Conqueror, released in 1956, routinely makes critics worst-films-of-all-time lists (John Wayne as Genghis Khanneed we say more?), what really made this flick deadly was the set, conveniently located near an atomic test site in Utah. Years later, many of the cast and crew developed cancer, including Wayne; his on-screen love interest, Susan Hayward; and Agnes Moorehead. Do anything, but dont bore me, pleads film critic Leonard Maltin. The movie that nearly killed him? Moment by Moment (1978), in which Lily Tomlin sets her romantic sights on John Travolta, a stripper imaginatively named Strip. Its arid, he says. It was just like watching paint dry.
The Body Mass Index is one of the most accurate ways to determine whether you are overweight. Calculate your BMI using a ready-made form at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Extremely obese is a weight status of 40 and above. BMI is just one of many factors related to developing a chronic disease (such as heart disease, cancer, or diabetes). Whatever your BMI, talk to your doctor to see if you are at an increased risk for disease and if you should lose weight. Even a small weight loss (just 10% of your current weight) may help to lower the risk of disease.
A falling anvil crushes a cuddly cartoon character; a grown man dresses like an elf; a dinner guest washes his face in the toilet. Why do we laugh at this stuff? It's all about incongruity, scientists say. When we expect one thing and get another, the surprise triggers several different areas of the brain at once, causing our diaphragms to convulse and goofy sounds to come out of our mouths. But incongruities are funny only when no one gets hurt, says Paul McGhee, Ph.D., psychologist and author of Health, Healing and the Amuse System. The cartoon character feels no pain. The man in the elf costume isn't really insane. And the toilet has just been cleaned. We hope.
But what tickles your funny bone might not tickle his. Northwestern University's Jennifer Hay, Ph.D., taped adult friends as they hung out together. Women were eight times more likely than men to tell funny, revealing stories about themselves. Men went more for slapstick and canned jokes and used humor to impress others rather than to bond.
And sometimes we laugh when there's nothing remotely funny - to let off steam, to show we're friendly, to connect. According to Robert R. Provine, Ph.D., author of Laughter: A Scientific Investigation, people laugh 30 times more often with others than alone, even when they're watching the same comedy. "If you want more laughter in your life," Provine says, "spend more time with friends:" Even if they're not particularly funny.
If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
...we all know that in all matters of mere opinion that [every] man is insane - just as insane as we are...we know exactly where to put our finger upon his insanity: it is where his opinion differs from ours....All Democrats are insane, but not one of them knows it. None but the Republicans. All the Republicans are insane, but only the Democrats can perceive it. The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane. - Mark Twain