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The typical guy treats his body like a rental car, filling it with garbage and dinging the chassis with no regard for what lies down the road. Luckily, your vessel is more resilient than a Taurus. The damage inflicted by most of your bad habits starts healing the moment you put down that bacon, rum, and tobacco sandwich.

Wait, they stopped hanging men for horse stealing? According to the Death Penalty Information Center, the last known execution for horse theft was in California in 1851. But it was never that common a sentence; of the roughly 3,500 executions from 1700 to 1860, only 51 were for steed stealing. Pennsylvania was the first state to abolish capital punishment for robbery in 1786—but believe it or not, the South was behind the curve. Robbery was still a capital crime in some Southern states until 1972, when the Supreme Court declared death penalty statutes unconstitutional. Guess the makers of The Horse Whisperer will never be brought to justice.

Animals suffer from mental retardation, and we’re better off because of it. Why? By observing impaired critters, scientists have learned how the condition affects people. Researchers at the Oregon Health & Science University found that mice lacking a protein called WAVE-1 suffer from balance, motor, learning, and memory shortages. Since WAVE-1 is important in human brain cell communication, its absence in people could have the same effects. And, yes, that does mean special ed rodents contribute more to humanity than you do.

A Department of Agriculture representative stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer and told him that he was going to inspect his farm. "You better not go in that field," the old farmer said, and pointed it out. The Agriculture representative said in a wise tone, "I have the authority of the Government with me. See this card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on agricultural land." So, the old farmer went about his farm chores. Later, the farmer heard loud screams and saw the Department of Agriculture representative running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's prize bull. The bull was madder than a full nest of hornets and the bull was gaining at every step. The old farmer called out, "Show him your card!"

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