Oneliners, Stories, etc.
Aggravating? My oldest on May 28, 2000 at the ripe old age of 27 scored a Hole-In-One at Perche Creek Golf Club, Columbia, MO with a cast on one arm. Can you guess how many more years I've played than he and with two good arms?
In May 1993: Richard McCullough, 31, smashed his driver against his pull cart at a golf course in Alberta, Canada. It resulted in one hell of a slicethe shaft broke and ricocheted straight into his neck, slicing the carotid artery and killing him. Did it have anything to do with the jade monkey hed recently bought
in Laos? The cursed one? Probably not.
In June 1994: Diana Nagy of West Virginia filed a multimillion-dollar lawsuit against the maker of the golf cart that her husband was riding just before he died. After drinking himself stupid, he fell out, snapped his neck and died. The widow, who claimed that the cart should have had seat belts and doors, also sued her son, who was driving. Mrs. Nagy is everything thats wrong with this country. And West Virginia, too.
In November 1994: Massachusetts golfer Emil Kijek, 79, dropped dead moments after hitting the first hole-in-one of his life. Apparently the shock was too much for him. After sinking the shot he giddily approached his next tee, rolled his eyes, said, Oh, no and keeled over from a massive coronary. At least he died doing something he loved: keeling over.
In May 1995: Water hazard? Try death hazard. Elderly golfer Jean Potevan threw his golf bag into a lake after a particularly annoying round in Lyons, France. Realizing that his car keys were in said bag, Potevan dived in fully clothed, got wrapped up in the weeds on the lake bottom and never came up. His final words: Oh, lookmy keys!
In August 1996: As David Bailey, 40, hunted for a lost ball at Dublins Cradockstown course, a rat ran up his trouser leg and peed on him. His friends encouraged him to take a shower, which he dideventually. But not before rubbing his leg, finishing the round and smoking a cigar. Two weeks later he died when his kidneys collapsed, a symptom of rat-borne Weils disease. As for the rat? He went to the clubhouse and got wasted on Michelob!
Sliced it again? Time for the ol heave-ho. Use a 3-iron, says Maryland club pro Mark Russo. Most people cant hit that club. For maximum distance, grip with your dominant hand, step forward, and sling sidearm so it helicopters down the fairway. Fore-shizzle!
A missed green calls for a pickax-style hack into fairway turf. Bring the club up over your dominant shoulder, then swing it back downward with force. The head will sink deep into the sod. Pull the club out, then tamp down the hole with your spikes, envisioning your boss face.
The green is sacred, Russo explains. Thus, the best option for a Blown Putt is to snap your putter over your knee. For a clean break, make sure it has a steel shaft (graphite splinters), and, for safety, wear slacks, not shorts. Practice with old clubs beforehand so you dont just bend it, weakling.
If you hit, say, 112, toss your bag in a dark closet and bolt the door, says Mark Clouse, director of golf at the Dominican Republics Guavaberry Golf and Country Club. A few days in the hole should set it straight. Unless you just suck at golf, which, obviously, isnt the case.
If you love beer, hate exercise, own a hideous wardrobe, and love the squeak of Naugahyde, its time to hit the lanes! After sanitizing your rental shoes with a blowtorch and kerosene, find yourself a decent globe.
Above all your ball should fit your thumb, says top-ranked Pro Bowling Association bowler Chris Barnes. It should barely touch the side of the hole. If you dont own a customized ballin other words, if you arent from Milwaukeechoose a rock that weighs as close to the legal maximum of 16 pounds as you can comfortably handle without ripping your arm out of its socket. Your middle fingers should be just snug enough so that you dont drop the ball on your foot when you hold it at your side. And for the love of God, dont use a pink ball.
Approach the lane with an easy swaggernow go back and get your ball, smart guyand stop about 15 feet behind the foul line at the second set of locator dots (all lanes have them). Place the instep of your right foot on the dot just to the right of center. Put your weight on your left foot, a few inches ahead and about an inch to the left. (Reverse directions if youre a cursed-by-God southpaw.) Make sure your hand is dry (thats what the air blower is for) and put your fingers in before your thumb. Your wrist should be straight but not rigid, and your thumb should point toward 11 oclock. Now bend your knees, stare menacingly at the pins, and hope your teammates dont spot your panty line.
The number of steps you take will depend upon how tall you areand upon how tightly your pants fitbut its the last three that are most important. The first of these should be with your left foot as you let the ball swing back past your right calf. Your next, or power, step should shorten slightly as the ball reaches its peak at shoulder height. On your final stride, your left foot should slide as you bring the ball forward and release it close to the floor. Aim between the second and third arrows (from the right) on the lane, and follow through by bringing your right hand up to your right ear. Stee-e-e-rike! But when celebrating, sir, keep in mind that uncouth behavior has no place in a bowling alley.
August Zimmerman, America's first cycling world champion, helped lead the sport out of the prevailing gentlemen amateur class to blaze the professional trail. In his book, Hearts of Lions: The History of American Bicycle Racing, Peter Nye discusses Zimmerman's years as an amateur cyclist, including remarks from the cyclist himself about those early days. They originally appeared in the Newark Evening News in 1912: The racing in those days [1887 to 1893] extended over a greater part of the country. Nearly every state and country fair had bicycle racing as an attraction. [Most often, the athletes] rode principally on dirt tracks-trotting tracks-and we made a regular circuit, going from one city or town to another and riding practically every day. It was often the case that the riders after spending several hours on a train would be obliged to go immediately to the track where they were billed to appear, and without any warming up go out and ride. This happened day after day.
While track bicycles operate with a single gear, road bicycles require multiple gearing for climbing and descending hills. The multiple-speed rear-wheel sprockets that enable cyclists to vary gears up and down hills are known as derailleurs. They first became popular in the 1930s when Frenchman Lucien Juy finally improved upon fellow Frenchman's Paul de Vivie's original concept. Back in the early 1900s, de Vivie had invented a derailleur system that was operated manually, with the cyclist stopping to lift the chain by hand between what was then a choice of two rings (or gears). It was used primarily by recreational cyclists, rather than by racers. Peter Nye, author of Hearts of Lions, explains how racers handled hills before Juy improved the derailleur in 1928.
Racers preferred riding in hilly races with rear wheels that had a sprocket on both sides of the hub. One sprocket had the standard fixed gear on track bikes, which did not permit the rider to coast; the other sprocket permitted the rider to coast. Standard practice in road races was for everyone to stop on an arduous climb, remove the rear wheel by unfastening wing nuts that held the wheels to the frame, turn the wheel around for the free wheel which had a smaller gear for pedaling up grades, then coast down the descent. Later they would stop again and revert to their fixed gear.
In a match held at the Houston Astrodome on September 20, 1973, Billie Jean King beat Bobby Riggs in three straight sets 6-4, 6-3, and 6-3. By 1971, for sure, Billie began having affairs with women. (Riggs should've demanded a rematch with a woman.) In 1998, Billie Jean King finally came all the way out of the closet. Women who can, do. Those who can't, become feminists. - Bobby Riggs
Hunting fees, licensing and seasonal restrictions may vary from state to state. For more detailed information, directly contact the state where you plan on hunting, big game, small game and migratory birds. Fishing continues to be a favorite pastime in the United States. In 2001, 16% of the U.S. population 16 years old and older (34 million anglers) spent an average of 16 days fishing. Freshwater fishing was the most popular type of fishing with over 28 million anglers devoting nearly 467 million angler-days to the sport.