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Sex Can Not Create A Great Relationship

Sex is not the key to love; love is the key to sex. A great relationship can create great sex, but great sex (alone) can not create a great relationship. The more you develop your emotional connection, the more satisfying and pleasurable your physical connection can be. Skill and technique are part of the equation.

Tired of mild-mannered nooky? Step into our phone booth, pal. As a guy, you probably think you’re a total star in bed. And yet you can’t all be above average. In fact, one out of two people reading this, statistically, has to be mediocre at best. Scary, because it’s the guy who instinctively knows which buttons to push, how hard to push them, and when to flip the kink switch, who leaves the ladies breathless and bragging. As it happens, there are some lovers (don’t hurl, that’s a good word) whose bedroom performance is so out of this world it can change a girl’s religion. Guys so in tune with what a woman wants in bed that they seem…well…superhuman.

Just because you don’t have bulletproof skin or a butler named Alfred doesn’t mean you can’t join the elite ranks. All you really have to do is pay attention. With the right training, you too can pull off mind-blowing erotic feats. When you’re ready to leave your Fortress of Solitude, pick out a nice cape and read on. After all, Three billion damsels in distress are counting on you.

You might know about the magic button, the G-spot, and some other goodies she’s got stashed below her bat belt, but she’s hiding a lot more erogenous zones along all that naked flesh than she feels comfortable telling you about. Unless you’re a bald, wheelchair-bound mentalist, you might need a little XXX-ray vision to unlock your woman’s secret desires.

Instead of following your usual map (i.e., the one you plotted out in a high school locker room), go off-road and jump from spot to spot, moving your fingers, lips, tongue, and stick shift in erratic patterns instead of a straight line. The results will clearly be worth it. “Never knowing where he’s going to touch next keeps every nerve I have constantly on the edge, turning my entire body into one big G-spot,” says Jonelle, 29.

When you’re ready to reach around and free her dynamic duo from the clutches of the evil Dr. Underwire, spend some time back there—and not just struggling with the clasp. “Any guy who ignores my back side is missing out on the places that get me hot,” says Ann, 29. Gently rubbing the base of a woman’s spine, the inside of her knees, even her scalp, will send shivers up her back and way down below because these anatomical hot spots house bundles of close-to-the-surface, easy-to-trigger nerves. “I had a guy tell me he would mentally draw a line from nipple to nipple, then trail two lines down to my vagina, calling it my Bra-muda Triangle,” says Kia, 27. “He wouldn’t let his fingers sail anywhere within that zone until he’d touched everywhere outside it. After about 10 minutes, I would always end up begging for him to knock off the teasing and rip off my panties.”

Once those undies are off, don’t be afraid to run your fingers past the prize and rub the patch of skin between her treasure chest and her backside. Her perineum (or ’taint, as it’s less clinically known) is made from the same sensitive tissues as her vaginal lips. “I may flinch at first because I’m thinking that he’s testing me for anal sex. But if a guy tells me he isn’t planning on backyard drilling, then feeling those fingers right there feels deliciously dangerous,” says Stacy, 23. “This guy I dated used to reach back when he was inside me and rub his finger right there, light and fast, while he did me nice and slow. Whether I arched up for him to hit my clit more or pushed down to feel his fingers, I couldn’t lose.” And neither can you.

No, you don’t have to be Plastic Man to stun a woman with sexual flexibility. With the right moves, you can stretch yourself into a few totally surprising and erotic positions that’ll keep her from reaching for anything rubbery from her utility belt ever again.

Make her feel like you’re some sort of otherworldly sextoid by pretzeling her. Sitting face-to-face with her legs on top of yours, enter her. Then lock your heels behind her waist, and have her do the same to you. Voilà—the two-backed beast! Grab each other’s wrists, then start rocking back and forth so you’re grinding against each other. “Seeing and feeling him wrapped around me is so animalistic, it does me in every time,” says Donna, 25, “It’s a position that lets me experience all of a guy at once, not just what he’s got between my legs.”

Another way to demonstrate your amazing flexibility is to surprise her with multiple motions—she can’t shake the attractive illusion that there are one too many hands caressing her. Ask her to lie on her right side (butt facing you), then kneel behind her with your legs slightly spread and enter her love nest from behind. Tip: Your left knee should be touching behind her thighs, your right knee right behind her back. As you thrust take your left hand and play with her clit while you stroke her back gently with your right hand. “The first time a guy tried this, I thought it looked stupid, until I felt his fingers running all over my body while he did me,” says Bethany, 26. “Show me a woman who wouldn’t come from feeling both his hands, and all the deepness of doggy-style, plus being able to look back and watch him take her from behind, and I’ll show you a nun.”

As soon as she goes the way of the O, double her pleasure by making sure she has something handy to press her outer trigger against. (That’s when your limber fingers become her friction of choice!) Most women prefer to have that area stimulated straight through their orgasm, although the degree of sensation depends on the woman—watch for feedback.

Or try this and add more mystery to your moves: Keep your finger pressed lightly against her clit and go with however she rubs against it. That way you don’t have to ask. “If his finger stays put, I’ll grind myself over it in the exact way I need it to be touched,” says Casey, 21. “If he picks up on my movements and starts doing the work for me, then I’ll be spinning into my second orgasm before the first one ever stops.”

A superhero without super strength is just a nut job in a colored leotard. The same thing goes when it comes to your horizontal performance. If you want to pull off great sexual feats, you’re going to need real power. Don’t despair! Even if you’re cursed with noodle arms, a sunken chest, and a gut she could rest her beer on, these tricks will give her the illusion of a Hulk-like physique.

Take oral sex, for instance. What makes you want to quit the tongue treatment early—an attitude girls can sense, by the way—knowing it’ll put their orgasms even further off? The painful neck angle, of course. It’s something you never think of until you’re already, uh, nose to the grindstone. But if you can keep your head straight, you’ll prevent cricks while you lick—giving you key stamina. “Oral sex never got me off because my boyfriend would always bail out early, whining about a sore neck. Then one night he decided to do me on the staircase up to my bedroom,” remembers Eileen, 27. “After laying me down at the top of the stairs, he got down below me and just went at it. I got off not once, but twice. Now I can’t so much as walk up a flight without getting seriously horny.”

No staircase handy? Then amaze her by going “up” on her instead. First, kneel on the floor in front of your girlfriend—her head and shoulders should rest on the floor or bed with her back angled toward your stomach and chest and her butt resting at your neck level. Then wrap your arms right below her hips to support her and unleash Captain Lizard. You’ll seem strong like bull, while gravity is really doing all the lifting. “Staring up at him for a change while he’s between my thighs makes him seem more in charge of the situation,” says Maria, 30. “From that direction, my boyfriend gets these head motions going that make my head explode—not to mention other things. After that all I can do is lock my legs tight around his neck, bite the nearest pillow, and hold on for dear life.”

Nothing seals your superhero status like taking her back to the bat cave for an earth-shattering orgasm. These subtle tricks of the trade, straight from women who know, will promise your unsuspecting gal an experience none of your mortal rivals can ever hope to compete with.

Let’s face it: Screwing against a wall isn’t the most comfortable thing ever, and there’s some risk your girl might crack your Boy Wonder if she slides down. But girls love it: “Having a guy pick me up and screw me into the wall is such a turn-on because it makes him seem strong and powerful and me all lightweight and feminine,” says Liz, 26. “It also makes him seem so out of control with lust.” Try this gravity-defying trick to hoist her for danger-free vertical loving: Seductively press her against the wall, then slowly caress behind her thigh until she raises it up for more. Then tuck your arm under her knee. Whisper for her to put her arms around your neck, then tickle her other thigh until she gets the hint that you want that one, too. The wall should bear the brunt of your girl’s weight, giving her this helpless quality that’ll turn her on by making her feel taken by you, plus it makes it real easy for her to grind against you so she can get off quickly (and then get off, quickly).

Take run-of-the-mill missionary up a notch by reminding her you’re more powerful than a locomotive. While you’re on top, place the heel of your hand below her bellybutton (just above her pubic hair) and gently apply some pressure. This, in effect, lowers her G-spot (located along the inside top of her vaginal wall) far enough to brush up against your penis, triggering an earth-shattering orgasm she’ll never let you forget. “When my eyes roll back and my nails dig into your legs, you’ll know you’ve done it right,” purrs Kara, 31.

This last move is so easy you’re going to wonder why you didn’t think of it: Make noise. You know how much women love to talk—dirty talk’s no exception—and it proves you’re paying attention. Meaning, don’t forget to speak some smut and moan. Why? Teri, 24, explains: “Nothing makes me wetter than when a guy tells me how good it is and screeches with joy.” Can’t think of anything original to say? Then just put sound to every breath you take by adding a sigh whenever you exhale. “Hearing him enjoying himself makes me feel incredibly sexy,” says Deanna, 30. “And I’ll do just about anything a man wants when I feel that sexy.”

Let that guy in red and blue waste his time bending metal bars in half. Impress your girl by keeping your pipe from bending until she’s through with it. Being faster than a speeding bullet is a disaster in the bedroom—only a guy who can endure long enough to help a girl land on planet Orgasmo is going to get to head out on a return mission. Whew, for you there are a few tips that’ll help you hang on—till she’s ready.

First, know your kryptonite. For most guys reclining positions can limit blood flow to the penis (robbing your erection of its source of power). The flow of blood to your penis (and thus your boner) is usually strongest when your body’s in an upright position. So instead of lying down, ask her to get on her knees and hold on to the headboard, while you make your entrance from behind. You’ll stay rock hard, and she’ll rock hard.

As you knock boots, keep your gun from going off by cooling it down once in a while. When just being inside her starts feeling a little too good, rescue your trusty sidekick and rest him between her labia. Then keep thrusting, rubbing the topside of your penis against her clit so you keep her going—and yourself. Better now? Good, resheathe and continue.

Perhaps the most important game of all is the mind game. Ward off overstimulation by forcing yourself to think about a messy apartment, your parents, or your boss (only if it’s not a hot “she”). Just don’t reveal the details. ”One guy told me he had to think about baseball to keep from coming too soon,” says Rachel, 24. “Nothing makes you feel less sexy than knowing a guy’s thinking about Mike Piazza instead of you. Whatever you have to do, just do it, and don’t tell me about it.”

Now, is it any wonder superheroes get all the chicks?

Myatt Murphy. Get Ready for Super Sex! Maxim [Print + Kindle] . October 2001.

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