Holy Trinity Of Travel
You want three thingswomen, booze, and adventure. Behold, places thatll deliver you to the altar of the holy trinity of travel. It's Go Time!
Pam Andersons hot in your town. In Miami Florida shes an Elks club pinup. We didnt dream of growing up to be firemen or cops. We dreamed of growing up and rubbing lotion on tomorrows starlets as they work on their all-over tans on South Beach (SoBe). Its good to have attainable goalsand even better to cruise a beach packed with the most sizzling collection of aspiring talent this side of Hollywood.
Tobacco Road earned its best-bar status the honest way: by being open for 88 years, holding Miamis first liquor license, getting raided by cops, and being the citys best live blues club, with cheap beer and a sick BBQ pork sandwich. If you dont stop here, just get it over with and become a Mormon.
When you board a 50-foot sportfishing boat with Mark the Sharks Monster Fishing, a big-ass hammerhead shark isnt the only thing you can reel in. We get hot chicks from South Beach on the boat all the time, says Captain Mark the Shark. The girls are into it as much as the guys these daysIve seen some guys hook up pretty good.
There are two islands, but one party at Bay Islands Honduras. Everyones here for two reasons: getting drunk and getting laid, says DArcy, 34, a dive instructor on Utila Island. You have to be seriously impaired not to get some here. According to the locals, there are three lies told every day in Honduras: Im leaving tomorrow, Ill stop drinking today, and I love you. Practice them all on the outgoing Italian hotties who pack the beaches.
Eighty-degree, 100-foot-visibility water, and scuba certs for less than $200 (pay with your widely accepted U.S. greenbacks) make the Bay Islands official understudy for the Great Barrier Reef. Dive (or just sleep, eat, and drink) with pros, like American-friendly Anthonys Key Resort, and you might swim with a whale sharkthe biggest fish in the sea, but with none of that bull-shark attitude.
The other Caribbean is Caye Caulker Belize. A scuba and suntan haven by day, dinky Caye Caulker has Belizes best beach scene. But even the worlds ultimate slacker isletheres a reason the phones almost never ring heregets up and throws down after midnight. Bronzed tourist girls and bootylicious locals (an African-Maya-Creole-pirate mix) take off even more clothing at the islands only decent nightclub (just ask for the disco), among the coastal Caribbeans most reliable pickup spots.
On Caye Caulker, not having an open Belikin beer in hand after 9 A.M. is just rude. Deep in the nearby Guatemalan jungle, the Mayan ruins of Tikal are tucked away more secretly than your exs phone number. Hop a 45-minute flight from Caye Caulker to Tikal base camp, Flores, and itll be you and 2,600-year-old pyramids, temples, and howler monkeys. Tropic Air flights leave daily. Bunk at the Jungle Lodge to catch sunrise before the They filmed Survivor here day-trippers move in.
Say tere to Europes latest party capital - Tallinn, Estonia. More than half a million lava-hot Scandinavian tourist women will flock to the city this year in sexy blonde hordes. You can also hunt for locals, including future Eastern European supermodels and the talent in a medieval lesbian stripper show in Tallinns old center, Toompea. Half the fun is saying it.
Tallinns old town is jammed with bars filled with drunk tourists sent by Tallinn Pissup, a travel agency thatll point you to great local beers and the aforementioned lesbo gig, described by one guy on the companys Web site as a 10 out of 10. Tallinn Pissup will hook you up with activities that are borderline illegal in your town, like occasional demolition derbies and firearms training at Dr. Deaths Military Academy. Between the guns, women, and nightlife, its a weekend Ill never forget, says Ben, 24, another oddly delirious visitor.
Hey, in Sydney, Australia they still like Americans! (Sort of.) Babes are fun. Theyre friendly. Theyre flattered you came halfway around the world just to watch them drink you under the table. They can also wrestle alligators and catch dingoes while wearing ass-hugging jean shorts, then talk about life down under with their charming accents. Dont worry, mate, youll get used to those.
Honor the proud legacy of Sydneys founding fathersexiled 18th-century Brit drunkards and felonsby guzzling the citys best microbrew at its oldest pub, the Lord Nelson Brewery Hotel. The worlds best helicopter pub crawl leaves Sydney for drinking holes across the rugged New South Wales countryside. West crawls (there are also North and South optionscollect all three for a free mug) hit the Comet Inn, a classic pub with a pet kangaroo named Boomer.
Moscow, Russia is the city where vodka is the tonic. Its absolutely true whatever stories youve heard about how many hot women there are here, says Don, a 29-year-old Moscow-based businessman. With almost as many local billionaires under 40, theres stiff competition. But nothing a 10-ruble subway ride cant solve: Miss, could you tell me when this train stops at Preobrazhenskayaploshchad station? And join me in paying tribute to sweet Mother Vodka when we get there? If you look around, says Tom, 29, another lucky American in Moscow, you wont find a single woman you wouldnt want to sleep with.
Like an ex-president cleaning up on the speaking tour, Russias putting its otherwise wasted supertechnology where its fattening wallet is these days. You can try your skills as Mavericks nemesis by flying a MiG 25 over the Moscow skies at 80,000 feet and Mach 2.4 speeds for a totally doable $13,750. Too rich for your filthy capitalist blood? Half an hour in a MiG 29 goes for a prole-friendly $10,200.
Montreal, Canada is a reason to stop bashing the French. Forget the poor mans Paris rep. This freakishly festive city dedicated to hot women and shitty sports teams is closer and has a far better temperament. Montreals dark-haired beauties dont care what kind of car you drivejust having ones good enough. Montreal women are beauty minus the attitude, notes Boris, 33, a local film producer. They exude a sexuality you dont see in the rest of Canada.
There are places to work on your Franglais pickup lines till 3 A.M., when news of after-parties spreads like brush fire. If you like white water, just not a whole day of it with some jagoff in the stern screaming at you to paddle, try Lachine Rapids Tours. For $50 you can shoot the rapids of the St. Lawrence River on a high-powered jet boat. Just aim for the side when you toss your cookies.
And you thought the citys first three letters were a fluke - Barcelona, Spain. Its not like were ready to push American girls to the curb. But theres something about hangup-free señoritas who party till five in the morning that we cant get over. It is common to have one-night stands here, notes Laia, 26. Many young people still live with their families, so theres no place to go. Cars are very popular.
Your all-night crawl begins at Bar Marsella, reputedly the citys oldest drinking joint and a must-try absinthe den. With tons of places to pound sangria, Las Ramblas, the crowded pedestrian tourist promenade, is home to a cleaner circus of trouble-seeking European women. But go to Danzatoria for a crop of angels who send sinners directly to heaven.
Featuring 99,000 rabid fans at Nou Camp, Europes most maniacal soccer grudge matchFC Barcelona vs. Real Madridis as frenzied in the stands as on the field. If whiny futból players in kneesocks dont impress you, jump out of a plane on the Costa Brava, Europes best skydiving training ground. Skydive Empuriabrava welcomes first-timers with release forms.
Wine, women, and snowboards can be found in Santiago, Chile. Santiago is so secluded youd expect a gene pool smaller than east Tennessees. The truth is, Chiles capital is the best-looking mutt in the Americasfilled with Spanish, Italian, German, French, and Serbo-Croat goodness, and more fake blonde hair and hidden piercings than a Tokyo modeling agency. You know a city is cool with the nasty when even the espresso is served by girls dressed like porn stars. Ask directions to the nearest café con piernas (coffee with legs), legendary coffee bars where caring staffs in pumps and G-strings dispense caffeine and flirty smiles. Makes Hooters look like Chuck E. Cheeses.
After years of looking, weve finally stumbled across the best place in the world to buy feisty 18-year-olds pisco sours without getting arrested. Gyrate with your new girlfriend and South Americas friendliest live-for-the-weekend locals at rows of no-name bolero-techno joints in Barrio Bellavista.
Heli-skiing packages are a peso-saving bargain at Valle Nevado, one of the Southern Hemispheres biggest ski resorts, just 40 miles from town. Or drive the extra couple of hours to world-renowned Portillo, a perennial contender on those top-10 ski and snowboard resorts in the universe lists. Widow-maker 50-degree pitches here have laid claim to world speed records; seven-day, all-inclusive packages should run you a few grand. Plunked down in a bowl of towering, snow-covered peaks, the heated outdoor pool at Hotel Portillo will ease the pain of your shattered femur.
|Questions? Anything Not Work? Not Look Right? My Policy Is To Blame The Computer.|
|Oneliners, Stories, etc. | About Just For The Fun Of It | Site Navigation | Parting Shots | Google Search|
|My Other Sites: Cruisin' - A Little Drag Racin', Nostalgia And My Favorite Rides | The Eerie Side Of Things | It's An Enigma | That"s Entertainment | Just For The Fun Of It | Gender Wars | Golf And Other Non-Contact Sports | JCS Group, Inc., A little business... A little fun... | John Wayne: American, The Movies And The Old West | Something About Everything Military | The Spell Of The West | Once Upon A Time | By The People, For The People | Something About Everything Racin' | Baseball and Other Contact Sports | The St. Louis Blues At The Arena | What? Strange? Peculiar? Maybe.|