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Workplace Politics

Office Chaos

Even while your old man was telling you hard work pays off, he knew he was full of it. The ol’ ladder of success is scaled not by those with a work ethic but by the backstabbers most willing to step on heads just to grab that extra rung.

Office politics – a taboo word for some people. It’s a pervasive thing at the workplace. In it’s simplest form, office politics is simply about the differences between people at work; differences in opinions, conflicts of interests are often manifested as office politics. It all goes down to human communications and relationships. There is no need to be afraid of office politics. Top performers are those who have mastered the art of winning in office politics.

The most common reactions to politics at work are either fight or flight. It’s normal human reaction for survival in the wild, back in the prehistoric days when we were still hunter-gatherers. Sure, the office is a modern jungle, but it takes more than just instinctive reactions to win in office politics. Instinctive fight reactions will only cause more resistance to whatever you are trying to achieve; while instinctive flight reactions only label you as a pushover that people can easily take for granted. Neither options are appealing for healthy career growth.

Winning requires you to consciously choose your reactions to the situation. Recognize that no matter how bad the circumstances, you have a choice in choosing how you feel and react.

When conflicts happens, it’s very easy to be sucked into tunnel-vision and focus on immediate differences. That’s a self-defeating approach. Chances are you’ll only invite more resistance by focusing on differences in people’s positions or opinions. The way to mitigate this without looking like you’re fighting to emerge as a winner in this conflict is to focus on the business objectives. In the light of what’s best for the business, discuss the pros and cons of each option. Eventually, everyone wants the business to be successful; if the business don’t win, then nobody in the organization wins. It’s much easier for one to eat the humble pie and back off when they realize the chosen approach is best for the business. By learning to steer the discussion in this direction, you will learn to disengage from petty differences and position yourself as someone who is interested in getting things done. Your boss will also come to appreciate you as someone who is mature, strategic and can be entrusted with bigger responsibilities.

Beltway-style smear tactics

So you want a bigger piece of your company's dwindling cash pie? It's time to crush your colleagues by employing Beltway-style smear tactics, just like your favorite ruthless politicians!
Swift Boat 2.0
Origin: In 2004 the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth slammed Senator John Kerry's previously unassailable Nam heroics. Kerry was forced to piss away valuable campaign time defending his war record.
Lesson: Undermine his strengths.
Office attack: Is your enemy's work always in early? Start a whisper campaign among colleagues that he pads his expenses. Even if bogus, if they hear it enough, they'll think it must have some truth to it.
Macaca
Origin: During his U.S. Senate campaign in Virginia in 2006, Republican incumbent George Allen referred to the Indian-American videotaping him as "macaca" — an obscure racial slur meaning monkey. A million YouTube hits later, Allen lost his seat.
Lesson: The Web is a weapon.
Office attack: Dig up an Internet skeleton by scouring the Web for embarrassing pics and blog posts. Even hough his tearful video testimonial on a Clay Aiken fan site isn't against the law, send the YouTube link around and his office cred will shrink to Ruben Studdard status.
The Shocker
Origin: In 1972 President Nixon's opposition research team uncovered that Thomas Eagleton, the VP candidate of Democratic nominee George McGovern, had undergone electroshock therapy to treat depression. McGovern lost by one of the largest margins in history.
Lesson: Play on the boss' fears.
Office attack: Fling some financial dirt. Web sites like Intelius.com can provide detailed personal financial history — bankruptcies, liens, small claims judgments, even criminal records. Leaking a few money management mishaps to your boss may finish off your rival. People are always inclined to believe the worst.

A surefire way to frazzle office adversaries

  1. Cut a hanger and bend it into shape. Attach a wire and a piece of cardboard to a mousetrap to create the launch pad. Now rub your hands together in gleeful anticipation!
  2. Fasten mousetrap to the back of your mark's monitor, then rig some fishing line from the trap to his mouse. If anyone asks what you're doing, tell them, "Keep walking, pal."
  3. Fill launching pad with glitter or other powdered substance. When he moves his mouse for the first time, he'll trigger the trap and get doused with a sparkle shower. Wait for him to cry.

At work, there are often issues which we have very little control over. It’s not uncommon to find corporate policies, client demands or boss mandates which affects your personal interests. Bitching and complaining are common responses to these events that we cannot control. But think about it, other than that short term emotional outlet, what tangible results do bitching really accomplish? In most instances, none. Instead of feeling victimized and angry about the situation, focus on the things that you can do to influence the situation – your circle of influence. This is a very empowering technique to overcome the feeling of helplessness. It removes the victimized feeling and also allows others to see you as someone who knows how to operate within given constraints. You may not be able to change or decide on the eventual outcome, but you can walk away knowing that you have done the best within the given circumstances. Constraints are all around in the workplace; with this approach, your boss will also come to appreciate you as someone who is understanding and positive.

In office politics, it is possible to find yourself stuck in between two power figures who are at odds with each other. You find yourself being thrown around while they try to outwit each other and defend their own position. All at the expense of you getting the job done. You can’t get them to agree on a common decision for a project, and neither of them want to take ownership of issues; they’re too afraid they’ll get stabbed in the back for any mishaps. In cases like this, focus on the business objectives and don’t take side with either of them – even if you like one better than the other. Place them on a common communication platform and ensure open communications among all parties so that no one can claim “I didn’t say that”. By not taking sides, you’ll help to direct conflict resolution in an objective manner. You’ll also build trust with both parties. That’ll help to keep the engagements constructive and focus on business objectives.

In office politics, you’ll get angry with people. It happens. There will be times when you feel the urge to give that person a piece of your mind and teach him a lesson. Don’t. People tend to remember moments when they were humiliated or insulted. Even if you win this argument and get to feel really good about it for now, you’ll pay the price later when you need help from this person. What goes around comes around, especially at the work place To win in the office, you’ll want to build a network of allies which you can tap into. The last thing you want during a crisis or an opportunity is to have someone screw you up because they habour ill-intentions towards you – all because you’d enjoyed a brief moment of emotional outburst at their expense. Another reason to hold back your temper is your career advancement. Increasingly, organizations are using 360 degree reviews to promote someone. Even if you are a star performer, your boss will have to fight a political uphill battle if other managers or peers see you as someone who is difficult to work with. The last thing you’ll want is to make it difficult for your boss to champion you for a promotion.

The reason people feel unjustified is because they felt misunderstood. Instinctively, we are more interested in getting the others to understand us than to understand them first. Top people managers and business leaders have learned to suppress this urge. Surprisingly, seeking to understand is a very disarming technique. Once the other party feels that you understand where he/she is coming from, they will feel less defensive and be open to understand you in return. This sets the stage for open communications to arrive at a solution that both parties can accept. Trying to arrive at a solution without first having this understanding is very difficult – there’s little trust and too much second-guessing.

Perhaps due to our schooling, we are taught that to win, someone else needs to lose. Conversely, we are afraid to let someone else win, because it implies losing for us. In business and work, that doesn’t have to be the case. Learn to think in terms of “how can we both win out of this situation?” This requires that you first understand the other party’s perspective and what’s in it for him. Next, understand what’s in it for you. Strive to seek out a resolution that is acceptable and beneficial to both parties. Doing this will ensure that everyone truly commit to the agree resolution and not pay only lip-service to it. People simply don’t like to lose. You may get away with win-lose tactics once or twice, but very soon, you’ll find yourself without allies in the workplace. Thinking win-win is an enduring strategy that builds allies and help you win in the long term.

In Office Politics keep your enemies close, and the females closer. Beneath the tough exterior of the aging executive stirs the heart of a woman who wants rough attention from a younger man. Once you detect physical interest, put out a flirty e-mail or text to let her know about the powerful effects she has on you. If she wants to turn her fantasies into reality, let it happen—she’s got more to lose.

The prudish HR dame is a strict enforcer of political correctness, but deep down she craves the sort of male attention she sees on her soaps. Mixed signals are the key—show genuine interest in her tastes (cats, dieting, whatever), but occasionally slip in something extra that indicates true affection. She’ll soon become a valuable pawn.

Cute and eager to please, the puppyish intern crushes easily. Use this to your advantage. Complain about the women in your life—they take but never give. Meanwhile your air of disorganization is making her feel a little sorry for you, and by mixing those maternal instincts with strong sexual desires, you’re stirring the sexual pot.

Find out the girl in the next cubicle interests and reveal that you have similar tastes. With the lure of seeing her favorite band in concert, get her to go out with you. Increase the frequency of your meetings, but tell no one. The excitement of this secret will heat her to a boil. Be sure to lock the door of the supply room.

The siren secretary is undeniably attractive, so begin your campaign by showing interest only in her personality. When she starts wondering why you don’t hit on her, stoke the flames by being hot and cold. Your goal is to make her pursue you. As coworkers take note, you’ll become the ultimate alpha male.

Office Politics / Seduce and Destroy. Maxim [Print + Kindle] . July 2005 / March 2007.


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